Come On Silver Lady....

Today is Irma's 17th Birthday ! In honour of such an auspicious occasion, I felt a few words on the old grey gibbon were in order ( and believe me, it won't take too many ).  Irma was named after a character in Picnic At Hanging Rock (one of Mum's once-a-year reads).  She is a purple-grey colour with stripey leggings and very very furry. So furry in fact, that once a week, she deposits a Henry-Moore -sculpture-type hairball (similar size too).  Mum really enjoys sorting that out as Irma always vomits it up in her own bed.    Last year the situation got so bad in the summer that Mum gave Irma a military type haircut.

More red mist than purple-haze...

   On a good day Irma is known for her fairly unfriendly 1000 yard stare.  The haircut didn't really result in a good day.... What it did do was give Irma the motivation she needed to start leaving the hairballs on the pale beige carpet on the stairs and landing. Mum lost that battle and this year the scissors have never been seen in the same room at the same time as Irma.
What more to say ? Well that's the thing, not much more.  You see Irma is a classic example of style over substance.  She looks good, high end luxury in fact , but under that purple perm, there is very little going on.  She keeps me at a distance with her permanently employed anaconda-eyed death stare.  Her eyes have all the warmth and empathy of those of a Great White Shark.  It doesn't deter Moonpig though. He dolls out the kisses, happily wagging his tail as the snake-eyes dishes out punch after punch to his eyes, her claws fully out.
She is very possessive of our Dad (the spinster thinks he is her husband), and if I thought there was anything at all going on in her brain, it would be likely be her practicing a visualisation :  Of Mum hung up by her thumbs, Mum shut outside on the windowsill in the snow, Mum being tipped down the stairs.
A couple of times I have actually seen her try and take Mum down , when Mum is dishing up her food of all things. Crazy fool...
But Mum still says she is a pretty little kitten ( I must say, she does not look anywhere near 17). Mum gives her lots of nicknames ( we all get this nonsense) - Irma-de-Purma, Perm, Gray-bee, Busy-Bee, Li-ul-Ki-en, Leggings, you get the idea.  Dad just calls her Spinster. I call her a wad, and whilst Piggy thinks she is as pretty as Monica Vitti in her heyday, I can't really print what Lord Velvet says about her.

Portrait of Dorian"Grey".

  But, she is part of our family, and the words of the late great Richard Burton - "We love that chinese ol' lady" (Yes I know she is not really Chinese but it was the most romantic quote I could find about being old ). I'd like to think she will warm to me a shade after this, but since I know she won't, I'll put in one of my very favourite photos of her.. it takes a lot to pull off this look, many have tried, but far fewer have actually authentically  made themselves look like a golf-ball on a golf-tee.